How To Spot A Fake Abuja Big Boy (FABB)

This was written by Chinenye Ugonna of Premium Times. Lol, Chineye the same thing happens here in Lagos. Fake broke guys with no means of livelihood, lmao. 

This week, we are going to put the spotlight on fake Abuja big boys, FABBs too – they are all FABBs. These guys are always well-dressed with flashy cars. Some of them are even from rich homes. You see them looking like a bag of money, meanwhile nothing in their bank accounts. There is nothing wrong with looking good and not having money to back it up. There is only something wrong when you are doing it for packaging. Continue below...

1. Always with the fake accent: Apparently, this is not exclusive to the babes. The male FABBs use all the accents in the world; British, American and Nigerian accent all muddled up in one. If they are talking to a babe who probably lived in the UK with a British accent, their accent automatically changes just to impress. Please, embrace your Nigerian accent, whether it is an Igbo, Yoruba or Hausa accent, be proud of it. You don’t see an American man trying to talk like a Nigerian.  

2. He only dates working girls: This is a highly defining character of the male FABB. They do not date jobless babes. If you don’t have a J -O -B, then it’s onto the next one. They do not want to be bothered about taking care of a babe who’s probably still in school or sharing CV about. That is not in their dictionary of potential girlfriends. 

3. He drives the flashiest of flashy cars: Warning: Don’t be deceived, the car belongs to their father or uncle. 

4. He always has a political connection: A typical Abuja boy is always related to some politician or influential person. The politicians are always their uncle but hardly ever their father. Sometimes, it could even be a politician they have met once- he becomes their uncle. 

5. He is a mummy’s boy: Most of the rich male FABBs live off the wealth of their family who still pay for everything they own. If you know a guy who lives in a very expensive duplex in Maitama but does not have a regular job, check that guy! They probably even get monthly allowance from their parents every month as grown men. Hey, not judging, you do you. 

6. He immediately introduces you to his family/friends: Imagine you meet this nice looking guy in Abuja, and before you know it, he has introduced you to his family and friends. In your mind, you are thinking that you are an iyawo (wife in the Yoruba language), not knowing you are girlfriend no. 9. 

7. He spontaneously proposes to you after a short period of dating: They tell you that you are a wife material or even propose marriage so they can be living off their new working class babe. You would cook, clean and before you know it, you have turned to their provider. Their food, shelter, and clothing would be taken care of by the working class babe. They start with “Please, borrow me N10, 000, I would pay you back.” Next time, it’s N20, 000 and then it keeps increasing. Of course, the babe will never get her money back. If you are guilty of this, it’s not good o! It should be a joint effort. 

8. He only remembers his babe on Thursdays: This is the time to remember all the hook-ups they have forgotten from Monday to Wednesday. They need to get a babe to turn up with during the weekend. If Halima doesn’t respond, Salewa will. After all there are many fishes in the sea. 

9. He doesn’t have a proper job: This is not referring to the guys who genuinely work/hustle for their money from Monday to Friday to make ends meet. Thumbs up! This is for the guys who claim they work during the week but people still cannot point a finger on what they do. On Friday, they would be the first to update their status with: “Turn up weekend, TGIF”. 

10. He’s always the first to pop bottles in the club: They are always the first to order bottles just to impress. When it’s time to pay, they would remember they have to go to the bathroom. It’s not by force to pop champagne. After popping and being forced to pay, they come home to eat noodles. Bear in mind that the money would have bought you a nice plate of jollof rice and a big fat chicken. 

So, there you have the Fake Abuja Big Boy, FABB away.